I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
