i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
