If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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