tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
