I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, beer. Big fan.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
