Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am one with the molecules
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
