I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
