So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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