Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was so not down for the gang bang
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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