i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
