I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
