Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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