just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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