New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
