Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
