guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
being pregnant is like rehab
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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