She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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