My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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