I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
