He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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