Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
