If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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