You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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