Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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