my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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