grandma shit on top of the toilet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
