I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
