Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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