What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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