I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
