so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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