no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
