my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
