are you still at the devil's house?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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