Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
