They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
