HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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