He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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