you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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