i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
