It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
