she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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