I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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