Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
