i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
