whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
