I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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