Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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