allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So many bounce houses so little time
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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