Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the day after is always just damage control
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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