I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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