He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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